April 27, 2011

Dearest E., 

I can't tell you how many times I've re-written this letter.  It seems no matter what I say I can't fully express what I need to say with this first letter, but I have to try.  Today a friend of mine replied to an incredibly old e-mail I sent her.  It was all about you and I knew that this letter I have been putting off needed to happen.  The e-mail was dated July 7, 2007 and it marked the last time I had contact with you.

E. I need you to know that I love you very much and I think of you often.  It seems daily I long for you to be here with your brothers.  I know that right now contact with you isn't possible so I have started this blog as a collection of letters to you about our lives; stories for you to gather into the scrapbooks you love making.  I hope that someday when you google your name this blog pops up and you read it and realize that your Dad and I have loved you all along.

Last fall we came to Texas.  We drove right past your grandmother's house.  I wish we could have seen you.  We came to see your paternal grandmother, Grandma Lala.  Grandma Lala has been very sick for a couple of years.  You were only nine when she had her first triple-bypass after that your visits to her house stopped.  We didn't know that when the visits stopped all communication with our side of the family stopped.  When we stayed at Grandma Lala's I was saddened to see Birthday and Christmas boxes I loving wrapped for you for the past three years stacked in the corner of your room.  I cried knowing you would never wear the blue skirts I picked out for your tenth birthday or the rag-doll ballerina you'd never seen.  I was devastated when I realized the last batch of pictures of your brothers had never arrived for your scrapbooks. 

And so came the beginning of this blog.  I write now for you.  I only hope that way day you reach back to form a relationship with us.  Like the one we had four years ago.  I miss hearing your voice and opening your Mother's Day cards for your new "Mommy."  I hope we can start again and someday when you are old enough you can understand why your grandparents raised you and not us.  In the meantime I send these letters to you.  Letters I hope you will someday read.  

With love,


Sara Hammond said...

I think this is a wonderful project. Good for you and for her. And of course, important to record about your own family as you do your family of origin with your mom. Congratulations on finally getting started. And thank you for sharing with the rest of us.

Kacy the Cool said...

That is so cute and sad at the same time im crying over hear literally. I really hope some day she will read them too because who doesnt google their name this is so cute.

Alex said...

This is a great idea. It's so heartfelt and I love your writing style. :]

Karalee Colton said...

This is such a beautiful letter, it brought me to tears. This is such a great idea and I think the title is catchy too! :) ...hugs...