April 29, 2011

Dearest E.,

Have you ever worried yourself sick over something silly? Well I have succeed in doing that over my commencement tomorrow. I don't even know why. It isn't like UVU isn't going to let me graduate. I have had my diploma for months and I have official transcripts that show I finished last August. No, I am actually terrified for the poor announcer that has to pronounce my name. (And that I will step on my gown and fall flat on my face going across the stage.) 

I am pretty sure that even if they do butcher my name tomorrow my family and friends supporting me will still know who I am. And I've had so many teachers trip over it during my years of schooling, what is one more time? Well for me it means walking across the stage and feeling cheated because I wasn't properly announced. Because my name is Kira not Kyra, Kara, KEY-ra, or any other variation and I love it.

That reminds me of a funny story, I actually just learned last spring. For the first two years your Dad and I were married he was not 100% sure on how to pronounce my name, so he called me, "Baby." When we first met he heard me rant about someone mispronouncing my name and after that he was afraid of saying it wrong. Last spring I asked him why he stopped calling me pet names and he chuckled and said, "because I figured out how to say your given name." Maybe I am to hard on people for silly mistakes.

We decided the boys won't be attending the ceremony so we want to document for all of you. Hopefully tomorrow I can get some good photos at graduation. While I have the camera out, tomorrow in the daylight I will also take a picture of Burrito's plant for you.  He is so excited to show it to everyone, we may just have to included updates as it grows.  I guess I should explain why he is excited.

Burrito is in Head Start this year. He is on a scholarship and has an all day classroom. They do a lot more activities then the 2 hour classrooms. At the end of March they were learning about Spring and plants. So for a project they made a planter out of a small plastic cup. They only had grass seed to plant so to make it more fun they drew faces on the cups so the grass would become "hair." Last week was Spring Break and they didn't want the plants to die while they were gone for a week so they sent them home. Burrito was super excited to put his plant on the front porch. On Easter Sunday I reminded him he needed to water his plant. He dutifully filled a cup with some water and opened the door to water it. With the door still open I heard:

Burrito: "Mom, Mom! You need to come see. COME SEE!"

Me: "Come see what?"

Burrito: "My plant. My plant grew a flower!"

Me: "Your plant grew a flower?"

Burrito: "Yeah it grew a flower."

Me: "How did your plant grow a flower?"

Burrito: "It was a..."

(Pause for dramatic effect.)


Me: "Easter is full of miracles, let's see your flower."

Yes, he really did pause to build the suspense. I think he may be an actor someday. I went outside to look at his planter and sure enough, pushing up from the grass is what appears to be a tulip. On Wednesday he finally went back to school and I asked his teacher if they had snuck a flower bulb into the cups to surprise the kids.  Nope, they only planted grass.  

When I was reading this letter to Dad he told me I needed to add that he said miracle at the top of his lungs.  In fact I am pretty sure our entire apartment complex heard him.  Burrito has what we jokingly call, a microphone embedded in his throat.  Try as he might he can't contain the volume of his voice and he talks really loud, especially when he is excited.  In church they have been talking a lot about Our Savior and his sacrifice and the miracle of Easter (not to be confused with zombies as Taco says).  For all of us Burrito's Easter miracle was a reminder of this special day. I hope you had a wonderful Easter, E. Alas I better get to bed or I will be sleep-walking tomorrow.  
With Love,


April 28, 2011

Dearest E.,

Life is crazy here.  We are getting ready for my big graduation party on Sunday.  I finally finished my Bachelors degree last summer.  It seems like ages ago I was done with classes, but Utah Valley University only hosts one ceremony and summer graduates walk the following spring. I can't believe I am actually nervous for graduation.  I walked a million years ago in high school, but never in junior college.  I already have butterflies thinking about Friday.  Will I trip across the stage?  Will they pronounce my name correctly?  I am so stressed I can't sleep I am beginning to wonder why I wanted to walk in the first place.

We can't decide if your brothers will be attending the ceremony.  I think they would find it super boring but I want them to understand the importance of school. Speaking of the importance of school, E. your father and I want you to know that we will pay for your first two years of college if you come live with us after you turn 18 and graduate from high school. It is very important for us that you attend college. If you need help obtaining a GED we will be glad to help you complete what you need to get into college. I know it seems a long way off, but you are eleven now, before you know it you will be a teenager.

Sept. 2008
 I can't believe it has been four years since we spoke.  Back then Burrito was just a baby and Taco was 2 years old.  We didn't get to see Bean-Dip at all.  Many things have changed mostly for the better.  I don't know if you remember everyone.  I am Taco and Burrito's mother.  They were born after I married your dad in 2004.  Before we were married your dad loved another lady and together they had Bean-Dip he was born in 2002 and will be turning nine next month.

Bean-Dip's mother and your dad are on speaking terms.  Bean-Dip stays with us most weekends and this summer we will have two full weeks with him around.  He is in the third grade and his math and science skills are well above grade level.  He hates reading and English tests because is reads too fast for his own good.  When he reads he tends to forget what he just read because he is always racing through it. He is in Cub Scouts and will be earning his Wolf rank next month.  He loves sports and his cousins.  He is full of energy and wants to try everything from karate to dance.  This summer we are hoping he learns how to ride his bike without training wheels.

Taco started kindergarten this year.  He is in a special all-day class and we are so proud of him.  Taco was really sick for a long time.  Someday I will tell you that story, but the important part is now he is a regular 6 year old boy.  He can read on a first grade level and he is learning how to tie his shoes but he still struggles with it. It probably doesn't help that I explain one way and Dad explains it another.  He is super smart with electronics he can work anything he touches and can figure out any password I use to lock them.  He is taking swimming lessons this summer and hopes to get the training wheels off his bike too.

 Burrito is four and is nearly finished with his first year of preschool.  He is learning how to write his name and recognize numbers.  He is a great author and illustrator and loves to write in his journal and tell stories.  He is big for his age and very grown up.  The boys go to my parent's church (Grandma "Mom" and Grandpa "Dad") and he was moved up a class to four year old class when he was three because he was so good at sitting quietly and listening.  He is a very spiritual little boy that loves his Savior.

This letter is getting very long. I think I will stop tonight.  I can tell you more about your brothers in detail another time. 

With Love,

April 27, 2011

Dearest E., 

I can't tell you how many times I've re-written this letter.  It seems no matter what I say I can't fully express what I need to say with this first letter, but I have to try.  Today a friend of mine replied to an incredibly old e-mail I sent her.  It was all about you and I knew that this letter I have been putting off needed to happen.  The e-mail was dated July 7, 2007 and it marked the last time I had contact with you.

E. I need you to know that I love you very much and I think of you often.  It seems daily I long for you to be here with your brothers.  I know that right now contact with you isn't possible so I have started this blog as a collection of letters to you about our lives; stories for you to gather into the scrapbooks you love making.  I hope that someday when you google your name this blog pops up and you read it and realize that your Dad and I have loved you all along.

Last fall we came to Texas.  We drove right past your grandmother's house.  I wish we could have seen you.  We came to see your paternal grandmother, Grandma Lala.  Grandma Lala has been very sick for a couple of years.  You were only nine when she had her first triple-bypass after that your visits to her house stopped.  We didn't know that when the visits stopped all communication with our side of the family stopped.  When we stayed at Grandma Lala's I was saddened to see Birthday and Christmas boxes I loving wrapped for you for the past three years stacked in the corner of your room.  I cried knowing you would never wear the blue skirts I picked out for your tenth birthday or the rag-doll ballerina you'd never seen.  I was devastated when I realized the last batch of pictures of your brothers had never arrived for your scrapbooks. 

And so came the beginning of this blog.  I write now for you.  I only hope that way day you reach back to form a relationship with us.  Like the one we had four years ago.  I miss hearing your voice and opening your Mother's Day cards for your new "Mommy."  I hope we can start again and someday when you are old enough you can understand why your grandparents raised you and not us.  In the meantime I send these letters to you.  Letters I hope you will someday read.  

With love,